Chloe steps out to look for Hannah while Valentine enters, says 'Sod' and leaves.
Chloe explains to Bernard:
- that Hannah is writing a history of the garden
- that the room has been cleared for the dance
Bernard asks Chloe not to tell Hannah his real name when she goes to get her.
Gus enters and leaves straight away.
Valentine enters, once again saying 'sod' then leaves again. He returns and talks to Bernard about:
- Not being able to get into the commode/toilet
- How his father hates typewritten letters and japanese cars
- Talking to Bernard on the phone
- Hannah and her book
- Lady Croom (modern day)
- A seminar they both attended and how one of Bernard's friends was proved wrong by maths
Gus enters and leaves again.
Valentine exits. Hannah enters and Bernard tries to charm her, but starts talking about 'ha-hah's.
Bonhomie exuberant friendliness or a good-natured manner; geniality.
Bernard: Early nineteenth is my period as much as anything is.
Bernard continues to come across as a dickhead, endlessly rambling until Hannah interrupts him by saying...
Hannah: I'm putting my shoes on again.
Bernard: Oh. You're not going to go out?
Hannah: No. I'm going to kick you in the balls.
Bernard: Right. Point taken. Ezra Chater.
Bernard tells her:
Bernard continues to come across as a dickhead, endlessly rambling until Hannah interrupts him by saying...
Hannah: I'm putting my shoes on again.
Bernard: Oh. You're not going to go out?
Hannah: No. I'm going to kick you in the balls.
Bernard: Right. Point taken. Ezra Chater.
Bernard tells her:
- That Chater only wrote 2 poems, the last of which was 'The Couch of Eros'
- After 1809 Chater 'disappears from view'
- Reads out Chater's inscription on Septimus' book
- Bernard wants to write about Chater
- There is only one other Chater known of who was a 'botanist who described a dwarf dahlia and died there after being bitten by a monkey
- There are two reviews of his work from the Picadilly Recreation
- Found the book in a private collection
- He wants information on Chater, Septimus or Sidley Park
Hannah: The Byron gang unzipped their flies and patronized all over [her book].
Hannah starts to tell him things and, depending on the production, starts smoking.
or 
Hannah says that Valentine is her fiancee, Bernard says that she is lying. She is. They discuss the family:
The hermit was clever, but Hannah is not allowed to finish what she is saying as Bernard spots an oppurtunity to show off his knowledge, lecturing her on Thackeray.
Hannah: The hermit of Sidley park was my...
Bernard: Peg.
Hannah: Epiphany.
Hannah mentions that the hermit was suspected of being a genius and had covered the hermitage with papers covered in maths.
Hannah: The whole romantic sham, Bernard! It's what happened to the Enlightenment isn't it? A century of intellectual rigour turned in on itself. A mind in chaos suspected of genius. In a setting of cheap thrills and false emotion. The history of the garden says it all, beautifully. There's an engraving of Sidley Park in 1730 that makes you want to weep. Paradise in the age of reason. By 1760 everything had gone - the topiary, pools and terraces, fountains an avenue of limes - the whole sublime geometry was ploughed under by Capability Brown. The grass went from the doorstep to the horizon and the best box hedge in Derbyshire was dug up for the ha-ha so that fools could pretend they were living in God's countryside. And then Richard Noakes came in to bring God up to date. By the time he'd finished it looked like this (the sketch book). The decline from thinking to feeling, you see.
Bernard: That's awfully good.
They discuss possible research, until Hannah finally twigs that Bernard actually wants to research Byron. Chloe enters with mugs and mentions that Bernard's last name is Nightingale not Peacock, and Hannah gets angry.
Bernard: The Byron gang are going to get their dicks caught in their zip.
Bernard explains his argument:
Hannah starts to tell him things and, depending on the production, starts smoking.
or Hannah says that Valentine is her fiancee, Bernard says that she is lying. She is. They discuss the family:
- Valentine is a post grad biology student
- He's 'doing computer grouse'
- What is wrong with Gus
- 'father sounds like a lot of fun'
- 'mother is the gardener' called 'Hermione' and Hannah is 'helping'
Bernard: I'm beginning to admire you.
Hannah: Before was complete bullshit?
Bernard: Completely.
Hannah starts to tell him information:
- Septimus was tutor
- Croom's daughter his pupil
- septimus studied mathematics and natural philosophy at Cambridge
- Has nothing on Chater
- There is a 'Sidley Hermit' who died in 1834
Hannah: English Landscape was invented by gardeners imitating foreign painters who were evoking classical authors. The whole thing was brought home in the luggage from the grand tour. Here, look - Capability Brown doing Claude who was doing Virgil. Arcadia! And here, superimposed by Richard Noakes, untamed nature in the style of Salvator Rosa. It's the Gothic novel expressed in landscape. Everything but vampires. There's an account of my hermit in a letter by your illustrious namesake.
The hermit was clever, but Hannah is not allowed to finish what she is saying as Bernard spots an oppurtunity to show off his knowledge, lecturing her on Thackeray.
Hannah: The hermit of Sidley park was my...
Bernard: Peg.
Hannah: Epiphany.
Hannah mentions that the hermit was suspected of being a genius and had covered the hermitage with papers covered in maths.
Hannah: The whole romantic sham, Bernard! It's what happened to the Enlightenment isn't it? A century of intellectual rigour turned in on itself. A mind in chaos suspected of genius. In a setting of cheap thrills and false emotion. The history of the garden says it all, beautifully. There's an engraving of Sidley Park in 1730 that makes you want to weep. Paradise in the age of reason. By 1760 everything had gone - the topiary, pools and terraces, fountains an avenue of limes - the whole sublime geometry was ploughed under by Capability Brown. The grass went from the doorstep to the horizon and the best box hedge in Derbyshire was dug up for the ha-ha so that fools could pretend they were living in God's countryside. And then Richard Noakes came in to bring God up to date. By the time he'd finished it looked like this (the sketch book). The decline from thinking to feeling, you see.
Bernard: That's awfully good.
They discuss possible research, until Hannah finally twigs that Bernard actually wants to research Byron. Chloe enters with mugs and mentions that Bernard's last name is Nightingale not Peacock, and Hannah gets angry.
Bernard: The Byron gang are going to get their dicks caught in their zip.
Bernard explains his argument:
- Couch of Eros that was in Byron's possession when he died
- Has underlined passages
- Links to the reviews in the Picadilly Recreation
- Reviews sound like Byron
- 3 letters in the book
- Chater disappeared after 1809
- Byron went to Lisbon for 2 years afterwards
Bernard invites himself to stay, and Hannah reluctantly tells him that Septimus and Byron both went to Trinity College at the same time. Bernard is so pleased he kisses Hannah on the cheek and Chloe re-enters. Bernard leaves, and Hannah and Chloe awkwardly discuss Bernard and Gus. Chloe leaves Hannah alone on the stage.
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